I’ve been writing for dozens of disability websites for around 15 years, and giving relationship advice has been when of my fortes. I’ve always prided myself on giving people the tough advice no one wants to hear. When you’re disabled like me the tough advice is the most important.
I only bring this up because I’ve been terrible lately at taking any of the advice I have given. I think every girl out there is guilty of doing this – we like to tell everybody what they should do, but we struggle at taking the tough advice ourselves. When you’re actually in the thick of it – it’s a lot harder to do the right thing.
This is especially the case when we find someone we really really like; the type you’d see a future with. The love that’s there can be strong, but we overlook several things about their personality in the process. I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve done this several times. Being a girl can really be annoying sometimes; and I blame these poor decisions wholly on my extra emotions and hormones.
So…what ends up happening is that we fail to end a relationship that needs to end. Many of us with disabilities are afraid of being alone. When I was younger, this was something I worried about a lot. I really believed there wouldn’t be that many people out there who would be ok with my paralysis. As it turned out however, there are a lot more people than I thought (oh how I love it when I’m wrong).
Another fear a lot of us hold onto is worrying about no longer having your significant other there to help. When you’re in a long-term committed relationship and you have a disability, chances are your partner will do certain things for you and you might have come to rely on it. A lot of fear can lurk behind losing your independence in a breakup.
But we’re just like everybody else when it comes down to it. When the love isn’t reciprocated both ways it can break your heart, but still…many of us don’t want to fully sever ties. We can be hopeless romantics and hold out hope that things might turn around. At least that’s how I feel that things.Many of us with disabilities are pretty romantic people. Saying goodbye for good is one of the hardest things to do.
But when the break-up finally happens, a huge relief occurs and your future again looks bright.Maybe you don’t see the brightness right away and all you see is an unending line of mediocre dates, but there is brightness there (you just don’t see it yet). Ending anything you still find some joy from is never easy. You really have to put on your grown-up pants and just do it.
You should also indulge in your favorite break-up activities. I myself have a handful of go-to items when a break-up occurs: 1) My favorite chick-flick movies and TV shows, courtesy of my favorite website Netflix (anything that’s a period piece is currently in my queue). 2) Video games, especially RPG ones, courtesy of the online gaming community/network and store, Steam (you gotta love being able to get games for your computer without leaving your house). And 3) Foods that make me happy. This typically involve ordering pizza; Papa John’s with garlic sauce is where it’s at, as well as lots of baked goods (lots), and a nectarine thrown in for good measure so I don’t feel guilty.
Communication and relationships are without question the hardest thing about being human. We’re constantly learning lessons, growing as people and ending relationships is one of the biggest of them to learn. I wish all of you the strength to be able to do this one day.
And when you find that strength, have your break-up kit ready to go. You’ll do fine I promise. I always see the light after every break-up. It’s hard, but when you see it, it’s the most beautiful light you’ve ever seen.
How have you ended an unhealthy relationship?
Break-up Kit Musts